"Zorro's Other Woman"

Written by Greg O'Neill
Directed by Michael Vejar

First US Airdate: 16 Feb 1990 Episode 1.7

[Exterior shot of Zorro  riding Toronado along the bank of a river.  He rides through the shallow water and soon comes upon some wagon tracks near some rocky terrain.]

Zorro
I wonder what these tracks are doing here.

[He looks up and sees smoke rising from behind the large rocks.  He dismounts Toronado and sends the horse in the opposite direction he takes.]

[Exterior shot of two men taking a wooden trunk out of the back of a covered wagon.  The man on the ground points to something else still in the wagon.]

Man #1
What are we going to do with it?  We can't just leave it.

Man #2 [pushing the trunk out at the first man]
Come on.

[Man #2 hops down out the wagon then he and Man #1 carry the trunk over to where a fire is burning.  Zorro walks unseen by them across the rocks above their heads.  Man #2 pulls a dress from the trunk as Man #1 takes out other unidentifiable items.  Man #2 hold the dress up against his body and both men laugh.]

Zorro [from the rocks above]
Most attractive, Señor.  But not your style.

[Both men drop the items they were holding and draw out their pistols.  Zorro jumps down off the rock and lands near the fire.  He cracks his whip into the flames, causing smoke to blow into the men's faces.  They choke and gag, holding their arms over their eyes and mouths.]

Man #1
Let's get out of here.

[The men take off running.  Zorro chases after them as they run past the stolen wagon.]

Zorro
You can run but you can't. . . [He stops in his tracks as he hears a wail coming from the wagon.] . . .cry?

Man #1 [on his horse, ready to ride away]
She's all yours now, Zorro.

Zorro [stunned]
She?

[Both men ride off chuckling as Zorro looks into a basket on the back of the wagon.]

[Closeup shot of inside the basket which contains a baby in a white dress with pink ribbons.]

[Exterior shot of Zorro moving over then reaching in to pick up the baby.]

Zorro
Ah, niña.  Oh.

[He holds the baby in his arms, patting her gently.  He glares over his shoulder at the fleeing men.]

Zorro [turning his attention back to the baby when she starts to fuss]
Ooh.

[He carries her away.]

*****COMMERCIAL BREAK*****

[Exterior shot of the de la Vega hacienda as night falls.]

[Inside the secret cave, Felipe is holding a sword.  He advances across the cave where he has propped up another sword (using a clothes rack and some sort of fabric) that points straight at him.  He fences with the other sword.  The sound of a door opening behind him causes Felipe to spin around.  The sword flies out of his hand and sticks into the lower leg of a chair.  Zorro walks into view, carrying the baby basket.]

Zorro
Interesting defense, Felipe.  But only if you're fighting very tiny bandits. . . [He holds up the basket] like this one, perhaps?

[He shows Felipe the baby inside the basket.  The baby laughs and coos.  Felipe points an accusing finger at Zorro.]

Zorro
Oh no, she's not mine.  By the look of her clothing, she could be Russian.  Many of the Russian settlers from up north are settling in Santa Barbara and Buenaventura now.  Until we can find her correct parents, let's take very good care of her.

[Zorro hands the basket to Felipe who looks at the baby then at Zorro in disbelief.]

Zorro
Well, somebody has to stay with her.

[Felipe looks at the baby and wrinkles his nose as she coos and kicks her feet.]

[Interior shot of Mendoza entering the tavern followed by about four unusually dressed people, three men and one woman.]

Mendoza [carrying his hat]
Alcalde?

[Mendoza walks further into the room to where Ramón sits at a table, about to put a spoonful of food into his mouth.]

Mendoza
Alcalde?

Ramón [setting down the spoon]
Be brief, Sergeant.  My dinner is getting cold.

Mendoza
The Russians, Alcalde.  They have taken refuge in the mission.

[Ramón wipes his face with a red-checked napkin.]

Mendoza
Their leader, Ribikov, says bandits stole a wagon and. . .a baby.

Ramón [sneering]
Russians.  If we're not careful, they'll take over all of California.  If the good padre has seen to their needs, this is of no concern to me.

[He resumes eating his meal.]

Mendoza
But mi Alcalde, they have offered a five hundred peso reward for the return of the baby.

Ramón [putting down his spoon again]
Reward, you say?

[Mendoza nods.]

[Ramón dabs at his mouth with his napkin.]

Ramón
Well then, as Alcalde, I should offer my official condolences to these courageous travelers, huh?

[Ramón gets to his feet, puts an arm around Mendoza's shoulders and goes to greet the Russians.]

[Exterior shot of the de la Vega hacienda at night is still falling.]

Diego [laughing off camera at first.]

[Interior shot of the hacienda as Diego is walking backwards as a young lady advances on him.]

Diego [holding up his hand as if to ward her off]
Señorita Rosita, um, don't you think we should return to the party?

[Rosita back Diego up into the library.]

Rosita [stepping close to Diego and smiling coyly]
But Don Diego, you promise me to show me this new painting from Europe.

Diego [very uncomfortable]
Uh-huh

[He glances to his right and points at a picture hanging there on the wall.]

Diego
There it is.

Rosita [turning her head to look at it]
Oh my.  It's beautiful.

[She moves away from him and goes closer to the painting.  Diego takes out his pocket watch and glances at it quickly.]

Diego [tucking the watch away in his waistband]
Art has been the one true passion of my life.

Rosita [still looking at the painting]
Then perhaps it is time, Diego, to explore a new passion.

[She coyly glances over her shoulder at him.  He nods politely.  She comes over up next to him again.]

Rosita [gazing up at him]
Have you ever thought of marriage. . .and children?

Diego [glancing away]
Hardly ever.

[He looks back at the painting and leads Rosita towards it]

Diego [pointing at the painting]
In order to truly appreciate art, you must examine it very closely.  Look at the exquisite brush work, the tremendous composition. [He starts to back away as she leans in closer to look.] There's much to learn about the interplay of color.

[As Rosita looks at the painting, Diego opens the fireplace panel and ducks through it.]

Rosita [sighing, not realizing he is gone]
But you cannot learn about the love of a good woman from a painting.  Can you. . . Don Diego?

[She turns around and sees that Diego has disappeared.]

Rosita [looking around in confusion]
Don. . .Diego?

[Interior shot of the secret cave where Felipe is walking the floor with the crying baby in his arms.  Diego walks in and steps down to the lower level.]

Diego [holding out his arms]
I know this isn't easy, Felipe.

[He takes the baby from Felipe.]

Diego [bouncing the baby]
Shh. . . shh. . .

[Diego gets out his pocket watch as Felipe stumbles away and flops down on some burlap bags.  The baby still is crying as Diego dangles the watch above her.]

Diego [glancing down at what the baby is wearing]
You could find nothing else to use than my study of Archimedes as a diaper?

[He sends Felipe as dirty look.  Felipe shrugs his shoulders with a look of exasperation on his face.]

Diego [still dangling the watch]
Such a dilemma, little one.  What are we going to do with you? Hmm?

[Diego looks over at Felipe who makes a ‘Z' in the air with his finger then put his hands together in a begging gesture.]

Diego [slightly amused]
Soon.

[Felipe let his hands fall to his sides and looks disgruntled.]

[Exterior shot of the tavern at night as some lancers enter through the front door and another man walks out.]

[Interior shot of the tavern kitchen where Victoria is pumping water into a cup.  She carefully carries the water across the room to the fireplace where she pours some it into a pan.  She turns and goes over to a side table, setting the cup down on it.  A gust of wind blows into the kitchen as a door hinge creaks.  She spins around to see Zorro shutting the back door and holding the baby basket.]

Victoria [smiling]
Zorro.

[He nods.  They walk toward each other.  He holds out the basket and she clasps her hand together as she looks inside it.]

Victoria
Ooh, she's beautiful.

Zorro
Yes.

Victoria [still looking at the baby]
She's a treasure.

[Then she looks abruptly from the baby to Zorro.]

Victoria
She is yours?

Zorro
No.  Um. . .I rescued this treasure from two pirates of the prairie.

Victoria [obviously relieved the baby isn't his]
Thank goodness.

[She looks up at him with a smile.]

Victoria
That you were there, I mean.

[She turns her attention back to the baby as Zorro laughs nervously.]

Zorro
Until I find her parents, do you mind?

[Victoria smiles as she takes the basket from him.]

Victoria
Oh, of course not. [She strokes the baby's chin.] Oh, are you hungry, little one??

[She looks back over at Zorro.]

Victoria
You did feed her, of course?

Zorro [crossing his arms over his chest and pacing]
Is Zorro not a man of action?  She was fed.  Possibly.

[He ducks away then as he hears approaching footsteps.  Mendoza comes through the curtains and into the kitchen.]

Victoria [holding the basket containing the baby]
Sergeant Mendoza!  Out of my kitchen!

Mendoza [pointing in the direction Zorro took but obviously not seeing him]
But I was just going to. . .

[Just then the baby coos from inside her basket.]

Mendoza [curiously]
Is that a baby?

Victoria [walking toward him carrying the basket]
Out!  Out!  Out!

[Interior shot of Mendoza backing out of the kitchen into the main room of the tavern then closing the curtains.]

Victoria [off camera]
And stay out!

Mendoza [trying to act tough]
And don't let it happen again!

[He picks up his jacket from a nearby chair and starts to put it on.]

Mendoza [still yelling in the direction of the kitchen]
Or there's going to be some real trouble!

[Mendoza finishes putting on his jacket and starts to head out of the tavern.]

Ramón [who is still sitting at his table, pouring out a drink]
What seems to be the problem, Sergeant?

[Mendoza stops and turns around, going back to stand in front of Ramón's table.]

Mendoza
Apparently, Señorita Escalante is a bit overprotective of her baby.

Ramón
Her what?

Mendoza
Her baby, Alcalde.  You know, a small infant. . . [He mimics rocking a baby in his arms.] tiny. . .child.

Ramón [obviously scheming]
You don't say. [He holds up his glass and points his finger up at Mendoza.] Send me two lancers, Sergeant.

Mendoza
Right away, Alcalde.

[Mendoza hurries away as Ramón takes a sip of his drink.]

[Interior shot of the tavern kitchen as Zorro smiles at Victoria as she feed the baby something from a spoon.]

Zorro
Ah, you are a born guardian, Señorita.

Victoria
We are born guardians, Señor.

Zorro [crossing his arms over his chest again and pacing again]
Yes.  Well.  It is my birthright to watch over and protect our people, with an eyes toward the future, yes.

Victoria
And what could be more important for the future than having children?

[She brings the baby closer to him.  Zorro backs away from them.]

Victoria
Please, don't be afraid to come closer.  She's not a coyote.

Zorro [gesturing toward his face]
It's the mask, Señorita.  It frightens her.

Victoria [smiling]
Ah, of course.  Well then by all means, remove it.

[Zorro laughs nervously and turns away.  Victoria looks down at the baby.]

Victoria [in a sing-song voice]
You would like that too, little one. [She looks down at the baby thoughtfully.] I must give her a name.

Ramón [off camera]
Natasha Petrova.

[He comes through the curtains, followed by the two lancers he requested.]

Ramón [pointing his finger at Victoria]
And you. . .

[He pauses as he sees Zorro standing in front of the fireplace.]

Ramón [stunned by his good fortune]
. . .are under arrest for kidnapping.

[Victoria looks worriedly from Ramón over to Zorro, who calmly remains in front of the fireplace.]

*****COMMERCIAL BREAK*****

[Interior shot of the tavern kitchen as the confrontation between Zorro and Ramón continues.]

Zorro [to Ramón]
You can't be serious.

Ramón
There's hardly a moment when I'm not.

Zorro
Do you really believe I am capable of stealing this child? [He grabs the handle of the pan roasting on the fire.]  Down, Victoria.

[She winces as she ducks down, putting a protective hand over the baby.  Zorro throws the contents of the pan at Ramón and the lancers.  They scream in pain at the hot food hits them.  Zorro uses the distraction to vault over the dividing wall into the main room of the tavern..  One lancer, then the other emerge through the curtains, aiming their muskets at Zorro.  Ramón stands between them and watches.   Zorro holds up the pan and uses it to deflect the bullets they fire at him.  Ramón ducks back into the kitchen.]

Zorro [to the lancers]
Excellent shooting!

[He turns away as the lancers unsheathe their swords and follow after him.  Zorro picks up a table and uses it as a shield.  The lancers run their swords through it instead of him.  He uses the pan again to whack the lancers on their heads.  They fall to the floor.  Ramón emerges from the kitchen with Victoria and the baby in front of him as hostages.]

Zorro
As for you, Alcalde.

Ramón
I believe I'm well protected

[He holds up a knife near Victoria's face.]

Zorro
Have you no honor?

Mendoza [off camera]
I'm coming, Alcalde!

Zorro turns his head at the sound of Mendoza's voice.]

Ramón
There's no honor in defeat, Zorro, only in death.

[Zorro runs to the front door the two lancers chasing after him.  Zorro moves to one side as he opens the door.  Mendoza is on the other side.]

Mendoza [throwing up his arms as he sees the other lancers coming at him]
Aaaah!

[Mendoza and the lancers collide and fall into a heap in the doorway.]

[Exterior shot of Zorro as he turns to look at Ramón and Victoria before hopping over the soldiers then onto a waiting Toronado's back.  He rides across the plaza to the pueblo gate.]

Ramón [inside the tavern]
After him!

[Zorro rides off into the night as shots ring out.]

[Exterior shot of Ramón's office.  A lancers stands guard outside.]

[Interior shot of the cuartel jail.  Ramón is holding the baby as he pushes Victoria into a cell.  A lancer closes and locks the cell door.]

Ramón [as the baby in his arms fusses]
Conspiracy and kidnapping.  If I were you, Señorita, I would pray.

Victoria [holding onto the cell bars]
I will pray.  For Zorro.

[The baby starts crying loudly.  Ramón glares down at her.]

Ramón [authoritatively]
Hush. [The baby keeps crying.] Hush!  As your alcalde, I demand that you be quiet!

[The baby keeps crying as he turns and carries her into his office.]

[Interior shot of Ramón's office where Mendoza is sitting at Ramón's desk with a tray of food in front of him.  Mendoza is sniffing his meal but then jumps to his feet when Ramón enters the room.]

Ramón
She's in your custody until I return.

[Ramón places the baby on his desk then looks at Mendoza.]

Ramón
Do you understand?

Mendoza
Yes, Alcalde.

Ramón [shaking his finger at Mendoza]
Make sure she is safe and happy.

Mendoza
Yes, Alcalde.

[Ramón moves his jacket aside as he places his hand on his hip.  He looks down to see a large wet spot on his vest.  He angrily moves the jacket back over the spot and walks out.  Mendoza picks up the crying baby.]

Mendoza
Ooh.  Now, now.  Ya, ya.  Please, please little baby.  La, la, la, la.  Oh please.

[The baby keeps crying.]

[Exterior shot of the church at night.]

[Interior shot of the church as Ramón speaks with the baby's parents and the other Russians.]

Ramón [reaching out to touch the mother's hand]
I personally tracked down the bandit who stole their precious child. [He turns to face the Russian's leader, Ribikov.] His name is Zorro.  Notorious thief and scourge of our pueblo.

[Ramón turns back to look at the parents.]

Ribikov
You found this Zorro but you did not capture him?

Ramón [lying dramatically]
He threatened to kill their child.  Zorro will return the bay for twice the reward you offer.

Ribikov
A thousand pesos?  But it's everything they own.

[The mother starts to cry on her husband's shoulder.  Ribikov gestures to the husband that they should leave.  The father leads the mother away.]

Ribikov
Without their Natasha, they have nothing.

[Ribikov pulls a pouch from under his tunic and hands it and another bag to Ramón.]

Ribikov
It is done.

[He starts to leave but Ramón stops him.]

Ramón
Ah, you remain here.  Zorro insists that I deal with him alone.

[Zorro takes off his hat as he hides around the corner, unseen by the two men.  He listens grim-faced to their conversation.]

Ribikov
You trust this Zorro?

Ramón
What choice do we have?

[Zorro slips away as Ramón walks down the aisle of the church, carrying the money bags.  Ribikov glances at something off to the side and goes toward it, making the sign of the cross.]

[Exterior shot of Ramón walking  out of the church and into the plaza.  He stops, looks at the bags, looks back over his shoulder at the church, and then smiles evilly.]

[Interior shot of the church where Ribikov kneels and prays in front of a tapestry of Jesus on the cross.  Zorro looks through a window at him then comes out from behind the wall.  Hearing footsteps, Ribikov stands up and slowly turns around.]

Ribikov
Who are you?

Zorro
Zorro, at your service.

[Ribikov pulls a pistol out from under his tunic and cocks it, then aims it at Zorro.]

Ribikov
If you are this Zorro, you're a dead man.

[Interior shot of Ramón's office where the baby is still crying.  Mendoza has taken off her clothes and has tied a shirt on her as a diaper.]

Mendoza [holding the baby with one arms and a bootie in his other hand]
Aah.  Aah.  I gave you the shirt off my back.  Yeah.  Fortunately I have another one. [He sits down in the chair behind the desk.] It cost me two week's pay.

[The baby keeps crying.]

Mendoza [in a sing-song voice]
Don't you think I look nice.  Ooh.  I have some stew. [He picks up a spoon and points to the bowl of stew with it.] Look, I have stew.  You're going to like it.  You're going to like it.

[He gets a spoonful of the stew then blows on it.  The baby still cries.]

[Interior shot of  the church where Ribikov stills points his pistol at Zorro.]

Zorro
. . .and that is the true story.

Ribikov
Tell me, outlaw, why should I trust you?

Zorro
Trust your instincts my friend.  But I ask you.  Would a notorious outlaw engage in charity work?

[Ribikov keeps the pistol aimed at Zorro while he thinks.]

[Exterior shot of Ramón's office.]

[Interior shot of the cuartel jail as the door leading to the jail is opened.]

Mendoza [off camera]
Release her.

[A lancer walks up to Victoria's cell as she gets to her feet.  The lancer hesitates and looks back into the office.]

Mendoza [impatiently off camera]
Release her!

[The lancer unlocks the cell door and Victoria steps out.]

Victoria
The baby?

[Interior shot of Victoria rushing into Ramón's office where Mendoza is holding the crying baby.]

Victoria
Is she all right?

[She takes the baby from Mendoza.]

Mendoza
The baby is fine.  But I am a disgrace.]

[He looks down at his white shirt which is covered in big brown stains.  Victoria smiles and giggles.  Then she turns her attention to the baby.]

Victoria [bouncing the baby in her arms]
Shh. . .

[The baby stops crying.]

[Exterior shot of Ramón walking up to the front door of his office and walks inside, shutting the door behind him.]

[Interior shot of Ramón's office as Ramón opens the door to the cells and sees that Victoria's cell is empty.  He glances around then at the lancer standing in his office.]

Ramón [pointing at the lancer]
Gather some men, search the town and find that baby immediately!

[The lancers hurries off.  Ramón looks back at the empty cell with an angry expression on his face.]

Ramón [through gritted teeth]
Where is that imbecile Mendoza?

[Interior shot of the tavern kitchen as the back door of the tavern opens and Mendoza allows Victoria and the baby inside.]

Victoria [walking across the kitchen]
A jail is no place for a baby.

[She goes over to some shelves and takes down a bowl.]

Mendoza
But Señorita Escalante. . .

[Victoria takes another bowl down off the shelf, then turns around to look at Mendoza.]

Victoria
The Alcalde wants his baby happy, does he not?

Mendoza
Yes.  But if he finds out. . .

Victoria
Well, if she's hungry, she cannot be happy and here I have food for her.

Mendoza [begging]
We must go back to the jail.  I tried to give her food.  She does not want it.

Victoria [going around the kitchen preparing food for the baby]
Ah, Sergeant, that was food for a strong man of the military.  She is but a delicate baby. [She presses her face against the baby's.] And besides, we are under your command, we are still your prisoners.

Mendoza
That is true.

Victoria [opening a cupboard]
Good.  Now put on a pot of hot water [She points at the fireplace.] And do something about that noise. [She points to the curtained doorway leading the tavern's main room.]

Mendoza
Si, Señorita

[Mendoza goes over and pours water into a pot on the fire then goes over to the curtains and opens them.]

Mendoza [very loud and authoritative]
QUIET!

[Everyone in the tavern shuts up.  Victoria turns to stare at Mendoza.  He turns around and jumps in a startled manner when he sees her.]

[Interior shot of the main room of the tavern as a man walks noisily down the stairs.  Mendoza, in his long-john top, sits with arms crossed and gives the man the evil eye.  The man immediately walks quieter.  Another man by the bar sneezes and Mendoza gives him a dirty look.  The man's friend puts a finger to his lips.  Mendoza then looks over at a man with a guitar and waves his hand.  The man starts playing "Brahmn's Lullaby" on his guitar.  Mendoza jumps and gestures to the man to play softer, which he does.   Mendoza waves his arms around like he is conducting as the man plays.  Victoria comes out of the kitchen, holding the baby who has stop crying.]

Victoria
Thank you, Sergeant.

[He smiles proudly.]

[Suddenly the door slams open and the baby starts crying again.]

Mendoza [very angry at first]
Silencio-ooo!

[He jumps to his feet when he see Ramón marching into the tavern followed by two lancers.]

Ramón
And just what, Señorita, do you think you are doing?

Zorro [off camera - his voice coming from above]
Returning the child to her parents.

[Ramón looks up (as does everyone else) and sees Zorro sitting on the balcony railing, whittling a piece of wood.]

Ramón [pointing up at Zorro]
Lancers!

[The lancers aim their muskets at Zorro.  Behind Zorro, several of the Russians come out of the guest rooms pointing their pistols down at Ramón and his men.  Zorro continues to whittle.]

Zorro
Try not to think of this as defeat, Alcalde. Try to think of it as. . .justice.

[He smiles down at Ramón.]

Ramón [pushing down the barrel of the musket next to him]
Stand down your weapons.

[The lancers lower their guns.  Ramón starts to walk out of the tavern.]

Zorro [pointing at the bag Ramón is carrying]
Oh, the ransom money, if you please.

[Ramón stops and glares up at Zorro, then looks at the bag before going over to set it down on the bar.]

Ramón [pointing up at Zorro]
I relish the day I see you hang.

Zorro
I'll try not to take that personally.

[Ramón starts walking out the tavern again.  Zorro brushes wood shavings off his leg and they fall on Ramón's head.  Ramón stops, looks at the shaving on his jacket, grimaces, and then continues out the door, followed by the lancers.  The Russians put their pistols away.  Victoria looks at Zorro and smiles.  He smiles down at her then resumes whittling.]

*****COMMERCIAL BREAK*****

[Insterior shot of the tavern as Victoria brings the baby over to its parents.  The mother kisses the baby after Victoria places her in her arms.  The father kisses the baby too.]

Victoria
May I kiss her goodbye?

[Mendoza looks over at Zorro who smiles.  The mother holds up the baby and Victoria kisses her.]

Mendoza [look back at Zorro again]
Zorro?  May I say goodbye too?

Zorro
Of course, Sergeant.

[Mendoza goes over and hands the parents his bundled shirt.]

Mendoza
For her.  It will make a fine nightdress.

[The mother hold out the baby to Mendoza.]

Mendoza
You mean I can?

[The mother nods and Mendoza leans down and kisses the baby on the cheek.]

Mendoza
Vaya con Dios, muchachita.

[The parents and the other Russians start to leave.]

Zorro
Oh. Ah, wait.

[The Russians stop and turn around.]

Zorro
I almost forgot

[He steps forward and holds up the wooden toy/rattle he had been whittling.]

Zorro
Farewell, little bandit.

[He places the toy on the baby.  Then Zorro and Ribikov shake hands.  Then the Russians continue on their way out of the tavern.  Zorro turns and takes Victoria's hand.]

Zorro
I thought you were very brave, Señorita.

Victoria
I was merely following maternal instincts.  But I didn't know how wonderful you are with babies.  Fatherhood suits you well.

Zorro [a bit nervously]
Ah, if only I had time to discuss such things.

[He lifts up her hand and kisses it.  Then he jumps up onto a table, then up over the balcony railing.  He stops and gives everyone a salute before disappearing through some curtains.  Mendoza sidles up next to Victoria.]

Mendoza [sincerely]
I have the time to discuss such things, Señorita.

[Victoria glances over at him and smiles then does a double take as his words sink in.]

*****END OF EPISODE*****

Transcribed by Pamela Elbert Poland 3 & 4 July 2006

This transcription is a not-for-profit publication produced solely for the enjoyment of other Zorro fans and is not intended to infringe upon any rights of Goodman/Rosen Productions, New World Television, Zorro Productions, the estate of Johnston McCulley or anyone else.

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