"It's a Wonderful Zorro"

Written by Philip John Taylor
Directed by Michael Levine

First US Airdate 16 December 1990 Episode 2.14

[Exterior shot of the pueblo plaza which is decorated for Christmas.  People are gathering around and booing.]

[Ramone walks up to a man whose hands are tied to the hitching rail in front of the tavern.  Ramone rips the man's shirt down, baring his back.  Victoria and Don Alejandro look on with disapproval.  Ramone smiles evilly and walks several steps behind the man and uncoils his whip.]

Ramone 
Mendoza!  Hold him down.

Mendoza
But Alcalde, it is Christmas Eve.

Victoria
Shame on you, Alcalde.  The man says he is innocent.

Ramone 
And I say he is guilty!

[He points at the man's bare back as the people start booing again.]

Don Alejandro
Alcalde, it's Christmas.  A time for compassion, goodwill.

Ramone 
You're right, Don Alejandro.

[Don Alejandro starts clapping as do other people.]

Ramone 
I should get into the spirit of the season, eh?

[He walks over to a wagon full of holly and pulls off a sprig to it.  He attaches it to the end of his whip.  People start booing again.  Ramone tries to whip the man but the whip won't budge.  He turns to see a horse's hoof resting on the whip.  Everyone claps and cheers when they see Zorro sitting on Toronado's back.]

Ramone [pointing at Zorro]
Lancers!

[The soldiers rush at Zorro who uses his own whip to keep them at bay.  He then rides past Ramone, turns around, then lifts Ramone up off the ground by his throat with one hand, and tosses him into the wagonload of holly.  Zorro then cracks his whip and the horse hitched to the wagon takes off.  People start laughing.]

Ramone [as the wagon rolls away]
Aah!  Aah!

[Zorro unsheathes his word and uses it to slice the rope tying the man to hitching rail.  Victoria looks over at Zorro expectantly but he rides past her, brandishing his sword in the air and he plows through the soldiers who quickly moving out of his way.]

Mendoza [waving his hands in the air]
Lancers!  No!

Victoria [to Don Alejandro as she watches Zorro leave the pueblo]
Did you notice something?

[Don Alejandro turns to look at her.]

Victoria
Zorro never said a word.  Not even a ‘hello.'  That's not like him.

Don Alejandro [looking back toward the pueblo gate]
Maybe he's not feeling himself today.

[Inside the de la Vega hacienda, Diego and Felipe decorate a Christmas tree in the library.  Diego sneezes loudly then wipes his nose with a large white handkerchief.  Don Alejandro comes through the front door and slams it shut.]

Don Alejandro
Diego!

Diego
Hello Father.

Don Alejandro
You should have been there.  Single-handedly, Zorro rescued Citizen Friaz from a flogging.

Diego
Well, if Zorro had a cold like mine, he probably would have stayed home too.

Don Alejandro
No, I don't mean that, that you would be there to do Zorro's work.  Heaven forbid!

[Diego looks wounded by Don Alejandro's remark.]

Don Alejandro
I mean that you should have been there with us protesting the alcalde's cruelty.  But no, you're always painting, or playing the piano, or fiddling with one of those pointless experiments!

Diego
Pointless?  One day I will discover. . .

Don Alejandro
No, one of these days, you will discover that to be a good citizen and a good de la Vega is that you have to go on, even with a cold.

[Diego sneezes again.]

Don Alejandro [as he walks off shaking his head]
Aaa!

[Diego watches his father leave, a dejected look on his face.]

*****COMMERCIAL BREAK*****

[Diego sits on the piano bench and speaks to Felipe.]

Diego
Isn't it ironic?

[He stands up and spreads out his arms.]

Diego
I'm trapped by this brilliant illusion I've created.  I'm no longer respected by the very people I've sworn to protect.

[Felipe makes a ‘Z' in the air with his index finger.]

Diego
Yes, Zorro is respected.

[He blows his nose.  Spotting a mirror, he goes over to it and peers closely.]

Diego
But who am I?  Diego de la Vega or ‘The Fox'?

[He looks straight on into the mirror, then moves over to one side.]

Diego [mockingly]
The phantom of the night.  Snatching a few fleeting moments with the woman I love.

[He looks in the mirror again then makes a rude noise.]

Diego
If she heard me speak today, it would have been a simple matter to conclude Zorro and I are one in the same.

[He walks back over to the Christmas tree where Felipe is still standing.]

Diego
But then Zorro would never catch a cold.  Zorro is indestructible!

Don Alejandro [off camera]
Diego!

[Diego wipes his nose as he turns around.  Don Alejandro comes into the library entrance.]

Don Alejandro
Are you going to Victoria's party or not?

Diego
I think I should stay home and look after this cold.

Don Alejandro [arms akimbo]
So be it. [He looks over at Felipe.] I'm ready, Felipe.

[don Alejandro looks back over at Diego and shakes his head.]

Don Alejandro
Humph!

[He heads to the front door.]

Diego [patting Felipe on the shoulder]
Run along.

[Felipe goes to follow Don Alejandro as does Diego.]

Diego [waving his handkerchief over his head]
Have a nice time!

[Felipe comes back to Diego and hands his a brown pouch, pats Diego's hand, then leaves again.  Diego watches him go, then opens the pouch.  He pulls out a carved wooden Zorro ornament.  Diego chuckles as he looks at it.]

Diego [talking to the ornament as he walks back to the Christmas tree]
What good have you really done?  This week, you've captured, what?  Three, maybe four, bandits.  The week after that, three, maybe four, more? [He hangs the Zorro ornament on the tree but keeps talking to it.] And the week after that?  The week after that?  Yes.

[Diego picks up another ornament that resembles Ramone.]

Diego
And as for the alcalde, he's learned nothing.  You foil one of his crazy schemes and he immediately concocts some new piece of mischief.

[A snapping sound is heard.  Diego looks down at the broken ornament and laughs.]

Diego [holding a broken piece of ornament in each hand]
He's like the monster in the myth.  You cut off one head and he grows another in its place.

[Diego throws the two pieces of the ornament toward the fireplace.]

Diego [angrily]
So what have Zorro's daring exploits achieved?  He's changed nothing.  Absolutely nothing.

[Exterior shot of the hacienda as a star goes shooting by as bells ring.]

[Inside the hacienda, Diego looks around in confusion.  Turning toward the mirror, he sees a bald man wearing a white suit with light blue trim.  But when he turns around to look, no one is there.  He looks closer at the mirror but only sees himself.]

Man's Voice [off camera]
Buenos dias!

[Diego spins around and see the little bald man standing in the foyer.]

Man
Forgive me if I startled you.  I let myself in.

[Diego looks toward the front door.]

Man
Talking to yourself?  Oh dear, oh dear, Diego.

Diego
You know me?  Are you a friend of my father's?

Man
In a way.

Diego
I don't believe we've met.

Don Fernando
My name is Fernando.

[Diego looks down at the man's bright red elf-toed boots.]

Don Fernando
The boots.  I'm sorry about the boots.  Christmas is a very busy time for us. [He goes over to a table holding a wine decanter.] Everything else was taken.

[He opens the decanter.]

Diego [following him]
Taken?

Don Fernando
If you're going to stand there with your mouth wide open [Diego closes his mouth.] repeating everything I say, we're going to have a very tedious conversation, my friends.

[Don Fernando puts the stopper back into the decanter.]

Don Fernando
So you're Zorro.

[He walks past Diego and into the library.  Diego is stunned for a moment then turns around and follows him.]

Diego
I beg your pardon.  There must be some mistake.  I'm just. . .

[Don Fernando is over by the fireplace and presses on the mantle, causing the back panel to swing open.  Diego looks upset.]

Don Fernando
I've always wanted to do that!  Couldn't resist just once.

[The panel closes back shut.]

Diego [coming toward Don Fernando]
This had gone far enough.  Who exactly are you?  I demand an explanation.

Don Fernando
Very well.  When you first put on the mask of Zorro, you swore to be a champion of the poor.

[Diego turns his head away then turns back to Don Fernando.]

Don Fernando
Don't worry, Diego, your secret is safe with me.

[Above their heads, the wind suddenly howls loudly, causing both of them to look upward.]

Don Fernando
And him.

[He looks back over at Diego.]

Diego
Yes. [He sits down.] Zorro has tried very hard to help the poor.  But everyday more and more people become homeless, destitute, crushed by the alcalde's tyranny.

Don Fernando
You mustn't take the weight of the world on your shoulders.

[Diego sighs.]

Don Fernando
Do you know something? [He sits down.] The talent we are born with is God's gift to us.  How we use it is our gift to God.  All any of us can do is our very best.

Diego [angrily]
Then my very best just isn't good enough.  I failed.  I thought I could make a difference.

Don Fernando
But you have. . .

Diego
No.  I think Los Angeles would be no worse off if Zorro never existed.

Don Fernando
Is that so?

Diego
Yes.

Don Fernando
My, my, what a fascinating notion. [He pops up out of his chair.] Well, I must be on my way.

Diego [rising from his chair]
Wait!  Don Fernando.  You haven't told me who you are or where you've came from.

Don Fernando [stopping and turning around to face Diego]
No, I haven't.  But I will tell you what brought me here.  Zorro has touched the lives of so many people, with his goodness and his courage.

[Diego turns away like he doesn't want to hear.]

Don Fernando
Diego, you must not give up the fight.  If you do, Los Angeles will become. . .  No.  If you are to have the strength to continue, you must see for yourself.

Diego [turning back to look at Don Fernando]
See what for myself?

[Don Fernando has vanished.]

Diego [walking out of the library]
See what for myself?

Don Fernando [off camera with silvery wind sounds]
Must you repeat everything I say?

[Diego goes to the front door of the hacienda and opens it.]

Diego [as he goes outside]
See what for myself? [He looks around be sees no one outside.] Fernando? [He then clears his throat.] Ahem.  [Then he touches his hand to his throat and snuffs his nose.] My cold.  It's gone.

[Diego looks to his left as he hears hoof beats approach.  He walks down the front steps as two men on horseback ride through one of the hacienda's front gates.]

Man
You there, caballero.  How far to Los Angeles, Señor?

Diego
Two miles.

[The man looks to his right then he and his companion ride through the other front gate.]

Man [to his companion]
Remember, muchacho.  Victoria Escalante is mine.

[Diego's face becomes angry and he runs back into the hacienda.]

[Diego enters the secret cave but it is empty except for cobwebs.  He goes over to Toronado's empty stall.]

Diego [confused]
Toronado?

[He turns back around to look at the empty cave.]

Diego [incredulously shaking his head]
This can't be happening.

*****COMMERCIAL BREAK*****

[Exterior shot of the pueblo gate.  It is decorated with a picture of Ramone and a banner which reads ‘Welcome to Pueblo de Los Angeles, Luis Ramone, Alcalde'.  Diego rides under the banner without looking up.]

[Diego brings his horse to a halt by the church.  Laughing and hooting is heard as a woman pushes a man into a watering trough.  Diego slowly rides up to the tavern, where a woman runs out on the balcony toward another woman who is drinking from a wine bottle.  Two men in quasi-military uniforms kick a man from behind, then use their feet to roll the man across the plaza.  Another woman struggles and screams as a man picks her up and carries her off.  Diego dismounts in front of the tavern.]

Mendoza [off camera]
Take care of you horse, Señor?

[Diego slips the reins over his horse's head and toward the hitching rail.]

Mendoza [dressed in dirty rags and with a filthy face and messy hair]
Only fifty centavos.  Please, I haven't eaten today.

Diego
I'm perfectly capable of taking care of my own horse but here's a few pesos anyway.

[He reaches into his waistband and hands some coins to Mendoza.  Then he turns around to go to the tavern.]

Mendoza [looking at the coins in his hand]
Muy gracias, Señor.  Muy gracias.

[Diego turns back around to look at Mendoza.]

Mendoza [smiling broadly]
Merry Christmas!  Feliz Navidad!

Diego [incredulously]
Sergeant Mendoza?

Mendoza [peering up at Diego]
Diego.

Diego
Is this some kind of Christmas charade?

Mendoza
What do you mean?

Diego
Well, if the alcalde catches you like this, you can say goodbye to your sergeant's stripes.

Mendoza
Estas loco.  Loco.  I was booted out of the military five years ago.

Diego
What are you talking about?

Mendoza [getting slightly hysterical]
You were there!  Don't you remember?

Diego [putting his hand on Mendoza's shoulder]
When did you last eat?

Mendoza
I don't know.  What is today?

Diego [putting his arm around Mendoza's shoulders as Mendoza coughs]
Come on, old friend, I'm going to buy you a decent meal.

[He leads Mendoza inside the tavern.]

[Interior shot of the tavern.  It is filled with men and women paired off together, flirting and drinking as Diego and Mendoza walk in.]

Mendoza
Forgive me so saying so, Don Diego, but this is the last place to come for a good meal.

[He coughs again.  Diego looks around in shock.  He walks over to the bar where a woman is pouring a drink as a man kisses her neck.]

Diego [suddenly recognizing the woman as Victoria]
Victoria!  Thank goodness you're here!

[Victoria turns around to look at him and Diego sees her face is all painted up like a prostitute.  He is stunned.]

Victoria
You have a lot of nerve coming back here.

Diego
Victoria, what's happened to you?

Victoria
Nothing's happened. [She raises her chin.] I have my customers to attend to.  And you better get out of town before the alcalde. . .

[The man Victoria was with comes around her and points at Diego.]

Man
The señorita's with me.  Find your own.

[Diego punches the man, who falls face first onto the floor.  Diego grabs Victoria and drags her over to a mirror hanging behind the bar.]

Victoria [as he drags her]
Oh,!  Let go of me!

Diego [forcing her to look into the mirror]
Look at yourself!  Look at what you've become!  You swore you'd wait for him, Victoria.  You swore you'd wait until he took the mask off forever!

Victoria [confused]
Mask?  What mask?  What are you talking about?

Diego [spinning her around to face him]
Zorro!

Victoria
And who is Zorro? [She pulls away from him.] Now leave me alone.  I have a tavern to run.

[Mendoza looks on in confusion.]

[The man Diego punched gets up and rushes Diego.  Diego twists the man's arm behind his back and tosses him onto a table.  The man's companion grabs the bottle sitting on his table, breaks it, then comes at Diego with its jagged edges.  Diego sidesteps the man's thrust, grabs his arm holding the broken bottle, slams it onto the bar counter, then tosses the man over the bar.  The first man comes at Diego with a stool.  Diego ducks out of the way then spins the man around and punches him in the gut and then in the face.]

Mendoza [off camera at first]
I have never seen Don Diego like this! [He cackles as he sits down at a table.] He's magnificent!

[Mendoza continues to laugh until a hand comes down on his shoulder then he looks up to see Ramone standing there.]

Ramone [looking down at Mendoza with a sneer]
Well, well, well. [He then looks over at Diego.]  De la Vega in a fist fight.  How original.

Diego [pointing at his opponents on the floor]
These men were bothering the señorita.

Victoria [stepping forward]
They were doing no such thing! [to Diego] Are you trying to ruin my business?

Diego [looking confused as he runs his hand over his head]
This is a bad dream.

Ramone 
You think this is bad, wait until I get you in my jail.  I have very severe penalties for those who ignore my edits.  Very severe.

Diego
What edict?

Ramone [impatiently]
Don't play the fool with me.  You were forbidden to come into this town.  Ever.

Diego
But why?

Ramone [signaling to the two men in quasi-military uniforms behind him]
Take him away!

[The men come up and grab Diego and haul him out of the tavern.  Victoria watches them take Diego away, an obviously confused expression on her face.]

[Diego is pushed into a jail cell and locked in.]

Diego
Don Fernando! [He looks around the cell hopelessly.] Oh, I've lost Victoria.

[He walks around the cell, then beats his hand on the wall.]

Diego
Don't let it be this way.

[He turns around and slides down the wall until he is sitting in the corner.  He hangs his head in his hands. A pair of legs wearing black boots appears in front of him through the bars.]

Don Fernando
I managed to get the right pair this time.

Diego [getting to his feet]
Don Fernando!  Oh thank God!

[He rushed over to where Don Fernando is standing by the cell door.]

Don Fernando
Sorry you have to see for yourself.

Diego
It's a world turned upside down.  Thank God my father and Felipe have managed to escape this madness.

[Don Fernando bows down his head.]

Diego [suspiciously]
Where are they?

Don Fernando [sadly]
Don Alejandro is dead.

Diego [stunned]
What are you saying?

Don Fernando [walking around to the side of the cell]
It was five years ago.  The alcalde monopolized the water supply for the entire region.  Your father confronted him, right out there in the plaza.

Diego [horrified]
No. [He backs away from Don Fernando.] No.

Don Fernando
There was no Zorro to intervene.  The alcalde had nothing to fear.  His law was and still is absolute.

[Diego sits down on a cot.]

Don Fernando
He shot Don Alejandro in cold blood.  Mendoza tried to stop him but the alcalde accused the sergeant of treachery and had him dismissed on the spot.  You were forbidden to enter Los Angeles.

Diego
The alcalde was afraid I'd seek revenge.  And so I will.

Don Fernando
How are you going to do that?

Diego
If there is no Zorro, then I shall create him!  I must find Felipe.

[Don Fernando's hand touches Diego's left shoulder as he is now inside the cell with Diego.  Diego looks up at Don Fernando worriedly.]

Don Fernando
Diego, Diego.  Do you remember the couple who kidnapped Felipe?  They were planning to use him in a robbery.  Felipe was considered an accomplice.  He's now rotting in Devil's Fortress.

[Diego looks ill.]

Don Fernando [sitting down next to Diego]
Amigo.  Los Angeles needs Zorro badly.  They need his courage, h is swordsmanship, his wisdom. . .  And Victoria needs his love.  Never doubt it.

[Diego hangs down his head but looks up when the cell door creaks open.  Diego looks around but Don Fernando has vanished again as bells tinkle.]

Diego
Don Fernando?

[He gets up and heads out the cell door.]

Don Fernando [off camera]
Never doubt it.

[Diego looks upward.  Then he continues on his way out of the cell and opens the door leading out of the jail and into the foyer of the de la Vega hacienda.  He sneezes.]

Diego
Oh.  My cold.  It's back.

[He goes into the library and over to the fireplace where a black mask rests in the decorative greenery.  He pulls it out.]

Diego [looking upward as he clutches the mask]
Thank you, Don Fernando.

[He then touches the mantle and ducks into the fireplace.]

[Exterior shot at night of Ramone coming out of his office.  A dog barks as the sounds of merrymaking come from the tavern.]

Ramone [looking over at the tavern and sneering]
Christmas.

[He laughs derisively.  A horse's whinny catches his attention and he looks up to see Zorro riding into the pueblo.]

Ramone 
Lancers!

[He draws out his sword as Zorro rides up to him and dismounts.  Ramone lunges at Zorro who steps out of his way then wrests the sword away from Ramone.  Zorro tosses it aside.]

Ramone [throwing up his hands]
I'm unarmed!

Zorro
Me too.

[He unsheathes his sword and thrusts it into the ground.  Then he punches Ramone in the face.]

Ramone 
What did I do?  It was just a peasant.

[Zorro punches him again.]

Ramone 
I'll never flog him again!

[Zorro punches Ramone yet again.  Ramone flies backward.  Zorro grabs him and pushes him back up against the garrison wall.  Blood trickles from the left corner of Ramone's mouth.]

Zorro [through clenched teeth]
From this moment on, you are this far away from death. [He holds his index finger and thumb less than an inch apart.] At night, look closely into every shadow for my sword.  And by the cold light of day, know that I am just one step behind you like the fox that I am.  Mark me well.  One sinister move, one malicious deed, and I will swoop down on you like God's thunder. [He tightens his grip on Ramone's collar.] From this moment on, I own you evil heart, and I will crush it if you hurt this pueblo anymore.

[Zorro lets go of Ramone's shirt and departs.  Ramone just stares after him, leaning against the wall and shaking.]

[Inside the tavern, Don Alejandro reaches out and grabs Felipe behind the neck as the party goes on.]

Don Alejandro [starts singing]
We wish you a Merry Christmas. . .

[He reaches out and grabs Victoria who joins in.]

Don Alejandro and Victoria
We wish you a Merry Christmas. . . [Others in the tavern, including Mendoza join in.] We wish you a Merry Christmas and. . .

Mendoza [looking up]
Zorro!

Don Alejandro
Zorro!

[Zorro stands on the balcony then jumps down, grabbing the chandelier and swinging it across the room.  He lets go and lands on the other side of the room.  He walks toward the party goers.  Felipe makes a ‘Z' at him with his index finger.]

Zorro [holding out his arms]
Feliz Navidad good people!

Voices
Hooray!  Yay!  Yay!

[Zorro hears bells and looks toward the bar.  He sees Don Fernando standing there, bathed in light which grows brighter around his head.  Zorro gives him a salute.]

*****COMMERCIAL BREAK*****

[Felipe is putting decorations on a Christmas tree at the tavern.  He looks over to his left and smiles.  He walks over to where Diego is shaking hands with a man.  Diego throws up his hands when he sees Felipe.]

Diego
Yes, I decided to come after all.

[He reaches out and gives Felipe a big hug.]

Mendoza [off camera at first]
Oh! [He comes over and holds out his hand to Diego.] Feliz Navidad, Don Diego.

Diego [shaking Mendoza's hand]
The same to you, Sergeant, my good old friend.

[Mendoza looks down nervously at his and Diego's clasped hands.]

Diego
Come to the hacienda tomorrow.  We're having the biggest turkey you ever saw.

Mendoza [smiling]
Oh, you can rely on me to help dispose of it, Don Diego.

[Diego pats Mendoza on the shoulders.]

Diego
Good!

[Mendoza goes over to the bar then back across the room.  Diego just stands there.  Victoria walks past him and over to the bar, catching his eye.  He walks up to her and just stares.]

Victoria [turning around and smiling]
Diego.

[He just stares!]

Victoria
Is something wrong?

[Diego just stares as she picks up her tray.]

Victoria
You just missed Zorro.  He came to wish us a Merry Christmas.

[Diego just stares!  Victoria looks at him and smiles, obviously a bit unnerved by his staring.  Don Alejandro see Diego then from across the room.]

Don Alejandro
Hey Diego!

[Victoria walks away from Diego as he just continues to stare at her!]

Don Alejandro
Diego!

[Diego finally turns around to look at Don Alejandro.]

Don Alejandro
I'm glad to see you, son.

[Diego walks up to Don Alejandro and gives him a big hug.]

Don Alejandro [a bit worriedly]
Are you crying?

Diego [his eyes leaking]
No, no.  I'm still suffering from this nasty cold. [He takes out his handkerchief and wipes his nose.] Forgive me.  Excuse me.

[Diego walks away and looks around the tavern.]

Diego [quietly]
Fernando?  Don Fernando?

[He hears bells and looks up at the Christmas tree where an angel ornament sits on a top branch.]

Diego
Feliz Navidad, Don Fernando.  Merry Christmas!

*****END OF EPISODE*****

Transcribed by Pamela Elbert Poland   22, 23, & 24 September 2006

This transcription is a not-for-profit publication produced solely for the enjoyment of other Zorro fans and is not intended to infringe upon any rights of Goodman/Rosen Productions, New World Television, Zorro Productions, the estate of Johnston McCulley or anyone else.

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