"Double Entendre"

Written by Robert L McCullough
Directed by Ron Satlof

First US Airdate 26 January 1990   Episode 1.4

[Exterior shot of the de la Vega hacienda.]

[Interior shot of the de la Vega hacienda where Diego and Don Alejandro are playing chess.  Don Alejandro  moves one of his chess pieces from one square to another on the board.]

Diego
You're sure about that?

Don Alejandro [absently]
Hmm?  Yes, yes, yes. [He waves his hand over the board irritatedly.] Just play.

Diego
As you wish.

[He leans over and picks up one of his pieces and sets it down on another square.]

Diego
It was you who taught me the Andalusian gambit.  Why fall victim to it yourself?

Don Alejandro
You haven't won yet, Diego.

[He moves a chess pieces, taking one of Diego's off the board.  Diego moves another of his pieces forward and takes off one of Don Alejandro's pieces as a female servant walks past them.]

Diego
Checkmate.

[Don Alejandro nods grudgingly before getting to his feet and sighing.  He walks up beside Diego.]

Don Alejandro [patting Diego's right shoulder]
You played well.

Diego [as Don Alejandro walks behind him]
But you played better. . .and lost.  Something troubles you?

Don Alejandro [leaning against a post]
I went to a meeting last night.  The Alcalde called together several prominent citizens.

Diego
For more of his inflammatory rhetoric about Zorro.  That's hardly surprising.

Don Alejandro
But he seems more anxious than ever to turn us all against Zorro.

Diego
Well, the people of Los Angeles will make up their own minds about Zorro.

[A door is heard opening and Felipe runs up to them.]

Don Alejandro [turning to look at Felipe]
Well, what is it?

[Felipe starts to gesture frantically.]

Diego
Calm down, Felipe.  Slower.

[Felipe puts his right index finger up behind his head, then moves both index fingers to the sides of his nose then out to his cheeks.  He then mimics holding a weapon (musket or bow & arrow, I can't tell).]

Diego [to Don alejandro]
There's trouble out at the Indian camp. [to Felipe] What kind?

[Felipe runs his hands over his lips and chin then to his chest and puffs it out.]

Diego [to Don Alejandro]
The Alcalde.

[Diego gets out of his chair as Don Alejandro walks out of the room.  Diego and Felipe follow him.]

[Exterior shot of a field where several teepees are burning.  Diego and Don Alejandro drive their wagon past the burning teepees.  They come to a halt in front of Ramone who is walking through the camp.]

Ramone 
Simply shameful.  This is the last thing these poor Indians needed.  But personally I'm not at all surprised that Zorro would do such a thing.

Diego
You don't honestly believe that Zorro did this?

Ramone 
It doesn't matter what I believe, Don Diego.  It matters what they believe.

[He indicates something to his right.]

[Closeup shot of a ‘Z' slashing into one of the teepees.]

[Exterior shot of a male Indian walking up beside Ramone.]

Indian
That man.  That Zorro.  He must be made to pay.

[He points to the ‘Z' on the teepee.  Diego and Don Alejandro look concerned.]

Ramone 
You see, the people of have a will of their own. [He turns and puts his arm around the Indian's shoulders.]  Don't worry, my friend.  Show your alcalde everything that masked bandit has done.

[Diego and Don Alejandro look at each other with concern.]

*****COMMERCIAL BREAK*****

[Exterior shot of a soldier on a horse riding past the left side of the tavern.  The camera pans over to the plaza where people are milling about the market stalls.]

[Exterior shot of Victoria and Diego walking amongst the market stalls.  Victoria is carrying a basket.]

Diego
Seems your friend Zorro has taken up a new line of work.

Victoria
Do you truly believe that?

Diego
Why not?  People are capable of great change, you know.

Victoria
Perhaps.  But Zorro has no reason to (a word I can't catch).

Diego
Let's hope not.  Still human beings can be so interesting, particularly strangers, I find.

Victoria
Strangers?

Diego
Yes.  They fascinate me. [He stops walking and turns to face Victoria.] You haven't seen any unusual travelers lately at the tavern, have you?

Victoria [thoughtfully]
Our only new guest is a noviciate on his way to the northern missions.  Oh. . . [She turns and points to her right then turns back to look at Diego.] and that old tinker over there.

[Diego nods.]

Ramone [off camera]
Good people of Los Angeles. . .

[Exterior sot of the old tinker bargaining to two women.]

Ramone [off camera]

What happened today to those poor Indians camping outside out pueblo should have caused nothing less than outrage at the cruel savagery of the man responsible for it. . .

[Exterior shot of Ramone standing in the back of a wagon in the middle of the plaza, addressing a small group of people.]

Ramone 
None other than that diabolical outlaw, Zorro.  Eyewitnesses saw him set fire to the very homes those poor people built with their own hands.  I want you to know I have sworn [Victoria listens to him skeptically.]  myself to the capture and prosecution of this masked rider.  And the continued criminal activity of a man like Zorro will only cause greater problems for us all.  Trust me, my people, I only want what is best for you.

[Several lancers, led by Mendoza, ride into the plaza.]

Mendoza
Alcalde!

[He and the other lancers come to a halt in front of Ramone.]

Mendoza
We caught up with Zorro!

Ramone 
Did you kill him?

Mendoza
That is not such an easy task, mi Alcalde. [He dismounts and walks up to Ramone] We were ib a routine patrol.  Bravely doing our duty, when Zorro attacked.  He nearly killed us all.  And then he tied us up.  It took us hours to work ourselves free.

Victoria
And what makes you so sure it was Zorro, Sergeant?

Mendoza [turning to look at Victoria]
Who else wears a mask and a black cape?

Ramone 
My people, we must band together to bring this criminal to justice.

Victoria [as she takes a couple steps toward Ramone]
But Zorro would never fight without good reason.

Diego [quietly]
He may soon have all the reason he needs.

[Ramone steps down from the back of the wagon as Diego stares at him.]

Mendoza [to Ramone]
My men fought valiantly.

Ramone 
Under your astute leadership, of course.

Mendoza
This is correct, mi Alcalde.

Ramone [as he and Mendoza start to walk away from the crowd]
Not to worry, Sergeant, things around here are about to change.

Mendoza
They are?

[Ramone keeps walking off to his left while Mendoza stops.]

Mendoza
Am I getting a promotion?  [He walks over to Ramone's office.] Maybe the Alcalde's getting a new horse.

[Interior shot of Ramone's office where Ramone sits as his desk as Mendoza opens the door and comes inside, shutting the door behind him.]

Mendoza
Why would Zorro attack us without a cause?  He has never done that before.

Ramone 
I think the man is finally showing his true colors.  And speaking of color. . . [He opens his desk drawer and takes out something.] Take a look at this.

[He hands it to Mendoza.]

[Closeup shot of a copper-colored rock.]

Mendoza
Ay, grindo(?)

Ramone 
High grade copper ore.  I picked it up at the Indian camp.

Mendoza [smiling]
A vein of copper will help the Indians overcome their poverty.

Ramone [taking the rock from Mendoza]
Hardly.  The Indians know nothing of mining.

Mendoza
Oh, they will learn soon enough, Alcalde.

Ramone 
Well, even if they did, they're not equipped to deal with money.  I shall have to help them.

Mendoza
Zorro. . .may not approve.

Ramone 
Oh, I don't think we'll have to worry about Zorro for long.

[Mendoza looks at Ramone suspiciously as Ramone smirks then brings his fisted hand to his mouth.]

[Exterior shot of the tavern as two lancers walk past it.]

[Interior shot of the tavern where Don Alejandro is talking to another man.]

Don Alejandro
Your fences break down all the time.

[He takes a sip of drink.]

Other Man
Maybe I can lose one or two cows but not an entire herd.  I tell you, it's the sound of Zorro's whip that stampeded my cows.

[Mendoza is sitting at a nearby table with Diego, who is using a napkin to place some kind of food onto Mendoza's plate.]

Mendoza [with a full mouth]
You are too kind, Don Diego.

Diego
It's the least I can do for a man in uniform.  Tell me again about your encounter with Zorro.

Mendoza
Well, it was not like him. . .

[Behind them Victoria is carrying a bowl of yellow colored mushy substance and bumps into the old tinker.  The bowl falls onto the bottom part of the staircase.]

Victoria
I'm terribly sorry.

[Diego gets to his feet as Mendoza continues to talk.]

Mendoza
He came up from behind. . .

[Diego walks over to Victoria as the old tinker walks past them and then up the stairs, stepping into the spilled substance.  A rock drops onto the lower stair landing.]

Diego
Ah, Señor, you dropped something.

[He bends down, reaching out to pick up the rock but the tinker comes back down the stairs and snatches it away.  The tinker then hurries back up the stairs.  Diego stares up after him.  The tinker stops at the top of the stairs and looks over his shoulder .  Diego looks over at Victoria.]

Diego
Are you all right?

Victoria
I'm fine, Don Diego.  Thank you.

[She bends down and cleans the yellowy substance of the stairs as Diego goes back and sits down at Mendoza's table.]

Mendoza [with his mouthful again]
The Alcalde's piece was bigger.

[He demonstrates with his hand.]

Diego
Indeed.  That was copper ore, wasn't it?

[Mendoza takes a drink from his glass.]

Mendoza [obviously hiding something]
I. . .  I don't know such things, Don Diego.

[Diego looks away with a concerned expression.]

[Exterior shot of the plaza where Ramone is shouting as a crowd stand behind him.]

Ramone 
Draw your swords!  After him!

[Exterior shot of the plaza where Zorro is fighting two lancers.  He kicks one of the lancers in the stomach.  Another lancer gets off the ground and attacks Zorro.  Zorro punches him in the face, knocking him back down.]

[Exterior shot of the tavern porch as more lancers, including Mendoza, come out of the door, followed by Don Alejandro, Victoria, Diego, and others.]

Mendoza
It's Zorro!

[Closeup shot of Ramone.]

Ramone 
Take him, Sergeant!

[Exterior shot of tavern porch.]

Mendoza
But Alcalde. . .

[Closeup shot of Ramone.]

Ramone 
We caught him robbing the church poor box!  Arrest him!

[Exterior shot of the tavern porch where Mendoza draws out his sword and runs into the plaza.]

[Exterior shot of the plaza where Zorro flips a lancer over his shoulder and onto the ground.  Two more soldiers attack Zorro but he pushes them backward and onto the ground.]

Mendoza [off camera]
Zorro!

[Zorro turns around to face Mendoza.]

[Closeup shot of Mendoza.]

Mendoza
Drop your weapon! [Then his tone becomes wheedling.] Please?

[Zorro runs up to Mendoza and slashes his sword at Mendoza three times then darts away.  Mendoza looks down at his uniform where a ‘Z' is now carved, with blood seeping through the middle of the letter.  Mendoza takes off his gloves.]

[Exterior shot of the plaza where Zorro runs up to a building and climbs up onto its roof.]

[Closeup shot of Diego as he looks on with concern.]

[Exterior shot of the plaza where Zorro runs across the rooftop.]

[Closeup shot of Mendoza looking downward and touching the ‘Z' on his uniform.]

Mendoza [looking at his hand]
Never cut me before.

[Exterior shot of the rooftop where Zorro salutes with his sword then turns and jumps down the other side of the roof.]

[Closeup shots of Victoria and Diego looking concerned.]

Ramone [off camera at first]
He even steals from the church.  Is such a man your friend?  I think not.  That kind of man is the enemy of every man, woman, and child in this pueblo.

Man [who standing to Victoria's right and pumping his right fist into the air]
Down with Zorro!  Down with Zorro!

[More people join in.]

Voices
Down with Zorro!  Down with Zorro!  Down with Zorro!  Down with Zorro!  Down with Zorro!

[Closeup shot of Ramone as he smiles smugly as the people continue their chant.]

[Closeup shot of Diego as he looks very concerned.]

*****COMMERCIAL BREAK*****

[Exterior shot of the de la Vega hacienda as someone sweeps the front steps.]

[Interior shot of the secret cave as Toronado drinks water from a stone trough.]

Diego [off camera at first]
Whoever he is, he certainly has a knack for appearing and disappearing at will.

[Diego is sitting at the lab table, painting on a round disk as Felipe stands watching at his left.  Felipe holds out his right hand them mimics pulling something from it.]

Diego
Magic?  Well, I don't think so.  Even the best of tricks can be explained through reason and science.

[He sets down the disk then picks up a spyglass and hands it to Felipe.]

Diego
Look through here.

[Shot from Felipe's point of view through the spyglass of Diego who appears very pinkish through the lens.]

Diego
The glass removes certain colors from our vision that makes others more visible with less light.

[Felipe lowers the spyglass and hands it back to Diego, looking slightly confused.]

Diego [with a grin]
It's all a question of knowing how the world works.  I think it's time we found out how this other Zorro performs his work.

[Felipe makes a ‘Z' in the air with his right index finger.]

Diego
Yes, my friend. [He puts the spyglass up to his left eye.] Tonight the true Zorro rides.

[Felipe smiles and turns around, going over to Toronado.]

[Exterior shot of Zorro riding Toronado across the countryside.]

[Closeup shot of the sign hanging from the pueblo gate.  The camera pans downward as Zorro rides under the gate and into the plaza.]

[Exterior shot of the plaza as Zorro brings Toronado to a halt by the side of a building where he climbs up onto its roof.]

Zorro [as he walks across the roof]
This is where I last saw my impersonator.

[He brings out the spyglass and looks through it down at the tiled roof as he walks across it.]

Zorro
A cracked tile, even a chip.  Any fresh mark would be a sign.

[Shot from Zorro's point of view through the spyglass at some light colored substances on several of the tiles.]

Zorro
Footprint.  On hard tile?

[Exterior shot of the rooftop where Zorro bends down and touches his gloved finger to the substance.  He brings his finger to his lips.]

Zorro
Delicious.

[He looks through the spyglass again as he starts walking across the roof.  He then climbs from one roof to another steeper roof then down its other side and then crouches down.]

[Interior shot of the ceiling of Ramone's office as Zorro opens the skylight.  He drops down on the rafters then swings down onto the office floor.  He goes over to some shelves and starts rifling through it.  He then goes over to Ramone's desk and opens a drawer.  He takes a handful of papers out of the drawer and looks at several of them.]

Zorro
Ah, geology report.  Copper ore.  No wonder Zorro destroyed the Indians' camp.

[A noise is heard at the front door.  Zorro hurriedly puts the papers back into the drawer and closes it.  He then walks over and hides in a corner to his right, near the safe.]

Ramone [off camera at first]
I assure you, you have nothing to worry about.

[Ramone and the old tinker stand facing each other as the tinker pulls off his white eyebrows.]

Tinker
The only thing that concerns me is to pay me on time, Alcalde.

[The tinker removes his white hair, revealing he is actually a young man with black hair.]

Ramone 
Señor Sebastio?, only a fool would fail to pay a professional swordsman his due.  But your work is not yet done.

[He goes over to a trunk near the safe, and Sebastio follows.  The corner where Zorro had been hiding is empty.]

Sebastio [as Ramone opens the trunk]
You hired me to make Zorro a villain in the eyes of the public.  Which I've done.  Now, I'd like to be on my way with my money.

Ramone 
But we have made Zorro look bad, it is time to make me look good.

[He takes out a black hat similar to Zorro's from the trunk.]

Sebastio
You have a plan?

Ramone 
Oh, it's simple.  As Zorro, you will challenge me in public.  With skill, valor, and excellent swordsmanship, I'll drive that masked outlaw from the pueblo.

[He puts the hat back into the trunk.]

Sebastio
And you'll be a hero to your people.

Ramone 
Precisely.

[He closes the trunk's lid and locks it up.  He then points to his right and he and Sebastio leave the office.  The camera pans from the now empty corner to where Zorro is sitting up in the rafters, shaking his head.]

[Exterior shot of the plaza as two lancers ride toward the fountain.]

[Interior shot of the tavern where Ramone stand on the landing at the bottom of the staircase, addressing the crowd, including several Indians.  Mendoza stands at Ramone's left.]

Ramone 
. . .and because the land on which you are unfortunately settled is of such strategic value, it is hereby confiscated by the military government.

Indian Man
Thief!  Liar!  You can't take that land from us!

Ramone [to Mendoza]
Silence him.

[Mendoza steps toward the Indian.  The Indian grabs a pitcher off the bar and throws it contents at Mendoza.]

Mendoza [as the liquid hits him in the face]
Ooh!

[Two other lancers go over and grab the Indian and drag him out of the tavern.]

Victoria [sitting at a table opposite Don Alejandro]
They'll hang him.

Don Alejandro [lifting up his glass while looking upward]
Perhaps not.

[Zorro jumps down from the balcony onto the bar, his sword drawn.]

Ramone 
At last we meet on equal ground.

[He draws out his sword.]

Mendoza [a bit concerned]
Alcalde, this is Zorro.

Ramone [holding his hand out toward Mendoza then turning to look at him]
Watch, Sergeant.  You may learn something.

[He walks down the stairs and across the room where Zorro still stands on the bar.  Ramone thrusts at Zorro who parries.  Ramone then slashes at Zorro's ankles but Zorro jumps up to avoid Ramone's sword.  Ramone attacks again and drives Zorro backward down the length of the bar toward the kitchen.  Zorro is forced to jump down off the end of bar as Ramone continues to drive him backward as they duel.  Zorro parries a thrust from Ramone, forcing the other man's blade to land on the bar.]

[Exterior shot of a rooftop where the real Zorro is walking across it.]

[Interior shot of the tavern where the imposter Zorro and Ramone are still dueling.  Ramone pushes the imposter backward, knocking over a table that consisted of a board atop two barrels.]

[Closeup of Zorro as he climbs through an opening on the second floor of the tavern and down into the kitchen.]

[Interior shot of the tavern where Ramone is driving the imposter Zorro backward.  The imposter turns and runs through the curtained doorway leading into the kitchen just as Ramone slashes at him but misses.]

[Interior shot of the kitchen where the imposter runs past Zorro then turns around to face him.]

Zorro
Your tailor has excellent taste, Señor.

[He brushes his left hand on the imposter's right shoulder then hits the imposter in the back of the head with skillet.  The imposter falls to the floor.  Zorro hangs the skillet back onto the wall.]

[Interior shot of the tavern where Ramone and Mendoza are facing each other as they stand in front of the curtained doorway.]

Mendoza
Alcalde, you are brilliant.

Ramone 
It's all in the wrist.

[A sword pokes through the curtains and slashes Ramone's upper right arm.]

Ramone [grabbing his arm]
Ah!

[Zorro steps through the curtains.  Ramone and Mendoza take a step backward.]

Zorro [slicing at Ramone's right leg]
And the leg.

Ramone 
Uh!

[Ramone raises up his sword and Zorro parries it.  Ramone runs up to Zorro.]

Ramone [whispering]
Would you stick to the plan?

Zorro
The only worthy plan is a plan for equal justice.

[He pushes Ramone away from him and they cross swords.]

Zorro [emphasizing each word with a thrust of his saber]
Where in the local Indians have the right to any profit from their own lands.

[He spins Ramone around with the last thrust.  Ramone falls down and Zorro kicks at him.  Zorro then turns around to see two lancers with their swords drawn.  He picks up a table and tosses it at the lancers, knocking them down.  The imposter comes through the curtains then, his sword raised.]

Victoria
Zorro!

Mendoza
Zorro and Zorro.

[Zorro smiles and raises his saber in a salute.  The imposter salutes back and they start dueling.  Neither gives any ground to the other.  Zorro finally parries the imposter's sword aside and it lands on a table.  Zorro presses his saber down so the imposter can't lift his sword.]

Zorro
Your only mistake was not wiping the caramel from your boot last night.

Imposter
The mistake is yours, my friend.

[Zorro lifts up his saber and the imposter slashes at Zorro's head.  Zorro ducks down as Victoria looks on worriedly.  The two Zorros continue to duel, again closely matched.  The imposter turns and runs over to the staircase.  Zorro follows and they duel on the stairs.  The imposter then jumps over the railing.  He runs over to the bar then climbs up to the balcony.  Zorro throws his saber and pins the imposter's sash to a baluster.  Zorro then jumps up and grab onto the chandelier and swings across the room, landing on the bar and pulling his saber from the baluster.  He hits the imposter on the bottom with his saber.  The imposter turns around and thrusts at Zorro who parries.  The imposter kicks Zorro in the chest and Zorro falls on his back on the bar.]

Ramone [as he watches from across the room from a crouched position]
Sergeant, give me a pistol.

Mendoza [coming up behind him and taking out his pistol]
Alcalde, what are you going to do?

Ramone 
I'm going to shoot him.

Mendoza
Yes.  But which one?

[Ramone stands up and cocks the pistol.  The imposter jumps down from the balcony, aiming his sword at Zorro who is still lying on the bar.  Zorro rolls off the bar and onto his feet on the floor and defends himself.  Zorro walks up on to the tabletop Ramone knocked off its barrels earlier and which now rests against one of those barrels which is on its side.  Zorro balances precariously as he duel with the imposter.  Ramone aims the pistol first at one man then the other, then fires.  He hits the imposter in the torso.  Zorro turns around with a stunned look on his face.]

Victoria [running over toward the bar]
No!

[Don Alejandro gets up and follows her, a concern look on his face.  The imposter falls off the bar and onto the opposite end of the board Zorro is standing on.  His weight landing on the board propels Zorro upward, and he somersaults up onto the outside of the balcony.  Victoria crouches down beside the fallen imposter who now lies on the floor.  Zorro climbs over the balcony railing and salutes, then turns and leaves.]

Victoria [looking up accusingly at Ramone]
You killed him!

Ramone 
At last. [to Mendoza] Unmask him.

[Mendoza crouches down, looks at the imposter then at Ramone then upward.]

Ramone 
Your duty, Sergeant.

[Mendoza strains to untie the mask from behind the imposter's head then pulls off the mask.]

Mendoza [looking up at Ramone]
He's not so handsome.

Ramone 
Because it's not him.

Mendoza
It's not? [He looks down at the imposter then back up at Ramone.] Then who?

Ramone 
Obviously an imposter.  An accomplice of some sort.

[Exterior shot of a rooftop as Zorro jumps off of it and onto Toronado's back.  He then rides away.]

[Interior shot of the tavern where a horse's loud whinny is heard.  Victoria gets up and goes over to the opened front doors and looks outside.]

[Exterior shot of the plaza as Zorro rides toward the pueblo gate.  He stops under the gate, spins around and waves before turning back around and riding away.]

[Interior shot of the tavern as Victoria turns away from the doors.]

Victoria
Zorro lives!

[She smiles happily as people in the tavern start cheering.  Ramone look angrily down at the imposter.]

*****COMMERCIAL BREAK*****

[Exterior shot of the Indians' camp as several of them walk around.  The camera pans over to where Diego (wearing a blue suit) is crouching down and speaking to the Indian who confronted Ramone.]

Diego
If my calculations are correct, you'll want to start in this area here.

[He looks up as two wagons drive up into the camp.  Victoria is a passenger in one of the wagons and Don Alejandro is a passenger in the other.  Mendoza rides up to the wagons as Victoria and Don Alejandro climb down out of them.]

Victoria
Sergeant Mendoza, did you come to help?

Mendoza [as he dismounts]
The Alcalde was delighted to hear that the good citizens of Los Angeles were bringing food and clothing for the Indians.

Don Alejandro [skeptically]
Was he?  Or did he send you here to spy on their work?

Mendoza
Oh, no, no, no, Don Alejandro.  The Alcalde has a very busy schedule.

Victoria
Of course.  He's busy staying out of Zorro's way.

Mendoza
He does remain available for consultations, if the Indians should need help mining for the copper.

Diego [coming up to them wearing a light brown suit]
These people will have all the help they need, Sergeant.

[He pats Mendoza on the left shoulder.]

Mendoza
Of course you realize the Alcalde will be collecting his usual industrial taxes.

Diego
I wonder how Zorro will feel about that?

Mendoza [nervously]
Oh, I'm sure it will just be a small tax.  Very small.  Tiny.  Perhaps a few centavos every five years.

[Victoria, Don Alejandro, and Diego all smile at Mendoza's backing down.]

*****END OF EPISODE*****

Transcribed by Pamela Elbert Poland  1 & 2 March 2007

This transcription is a not-for-profit publication produced solely for the enjoyment of other Zorro fans and is not intended to infringe upon any rights of Goodman/Rosen Productions, New World Television, Zorro Productions, the estate of Johnston McCulley or anyone else.

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